Chaity: Fantasies

In our sex-crazed world, it is impossible to live amongst people without thinking about them. There are everywhere we go and in order to avoid them we would have to be either dead or totally isolated from them. Assuming we are not dead, we still can’t escape our thoughts. Because we are constantly exposed to sexual content and our most basic human drive is sex, we have a problem that won’t go away. We are naturally attracted to people of the opposite sex. Whether we are at home, work, or play, we see people whom we are attracted to.

While this is normal and should not alarm us, dwelling too much on people we are not married to should. It is not healthy for any marriage to dwell on someone that is not your spouse and begin to fantasize what it might be like to be with them for a few stolen minutes. Whether it be on the job, in your social circles, on the internet, watching the movies, or even at church, if you find yourself focusing on someone who is not your spouse, it is a warning sign that you may be heading for moral failure.

When it begins to happen, you must take the bull by the horn and put a stop to it before it takes root in your mind and destroys the life you share with your spouse. Your spouse should be the object of your affections, not someone in your fantasy world.

Chasity: Fixation

One of the warning signs that you may be heading for moral failure in your marriage is a fixation on the attractiveness of others other than your spouse.  Let's be honest with ourselves.  It is so easy to take for granted our spouse and lose sight of his/her good qualities.  We are prone to see the flaws in our spouse and see through rose-colored glasses others.  In public most of us put our best foot forward and at home let our hair hang down.  We fix our eyes and thoughts on the best of others, forgetting that behind the best is the worst of who they are.  We forget that most people cover up how they really are.  We see our spouses without the make-up, fancy clothes, unshaven faces, colognes and perfumes.  We see others in a positive light and ignore the fact that when the light is turned off, they are usually totally different.

Fixating on the appearance of others intrigues us and causes us to think that what we see is better than what we have.  We begin to imagine how green the grass is on the other side of the fence.  When things are tense at home, there is an increased tendency to look.  If left unchecked, it can lead us into not only the temptation, but the sin. 

We cannot avoid looking at others, but we can control how much we look and dwell on them.  If you find yourself fixing your gaze a lot on others (TV, movies, internet, magazines, books, all count), be aware that you are wandering away from your spouse.  You are weakening your love relationship with him/her and jeopardizing your ability to stay true to marriage vows of fidelity and love.

Chasity

     In my book, I have included a chapter on chasity, which is another word for purity in the marital relationship.  There are many ways to tell if you or your spouse are loosing grip on purity in your marriage, which if left unchecked will ultimately lead to infidelity and probably divorce.  I list 27 different warning signs to look out for to determine if you or your spouse are beginning to let down your guard.  I will be focusing on these warning signs in future blogs so you can do a gut check to determine how you are doing.
      I believe that heart and mind purity is something that everyone should strive for in marriage.  While I understand that it is impossible to be perfectly pure, we can certainly do a lot to help ourselves and our marriages in this area.  It is not okay to open ourselves up to all kinds of temptations to stray away from the love of one's spouse.  Keeping ourselves loyal to our spouse in marriage takes a determined plan and consistent work over a lifetime.  It is a battle many are losing, but it is a winnable battle. 
       As a Christian, I know that we can do all things through Christ who gives us the strength.  The Lord will help us, but we must want his help and allow him to do it.

Living a pure life.

We live in a day in which it is almost impossible to keep our minds pure.  Everywhere we turn we are bombarded with ads, movies, books, magazines, and music that entices us to take our sexuality outside of our marriage vows.  No one is immune.  We are caught up in our moments of weakness and forget our vows of chasity.  Unless we take specific measures to protect ourselves, we yield to the temptation to either dwell or act on our impulses.  What can we do?  In my book, C Through Marriage, I offer a list of 27 different ways to protect ourselves from infidelity in marriage in my chapter on Chasity.  Bottom line is, we are going to fail unless we take responsibility for our actions.  No one can say no to temptation for you.  Every couple should hold each other responsible for their behavior.  If you and your spouse work together to stay pure and true to each other, you can do it.  There is no valid excuse for failure to live a pure life before God and within your marriage.